Bicycle Warne-ing

Yesterday, in my robust defense of Shane Warne’s bold call for registration of all bikes, it seems I might have neatly avoided one or two salient facts. I always find that facts get in the way of forming a solid opinion so I’m hardly about to apologize but I thought I should add a few details to that report.

How could this man be wrong?

Warnie’s moderate and considered opinions have been attacked by some members of the cycling community (and a few with no links to cycling but with a unhelpful over-supply of commonsense). I feel I must point out to these people that Warnie called for registration of cyclist, not castration. If we can’t find space for a few moderate voices in the anti-cycling lobby (which is anyone who doesn’t ride a bike, that is to say about 99% of the community) then we’ll soon find ourselves the cycling equivalent of the Taliban and the UN or NATO or some other acronym will seek approval to bomb us out of existence. We’ll go into hiding in our sheds and issue declamations via You Tube and one day we’ll be shot at dawn while riding on an indoor trainer in our underwear.
How could this man be wrong?
That’s why I support our Warnie. He’s an ignorant knobhead but he’s a moderate knobhead in a world where anti-cycling forces of the West are coalescing to attack and destroy us once and for all.
Of course, there is the embarrassing eye-witness approved version of events given by the cyclist that says Warnie actually tried to run him down. 

He claimed that after a robust exchange of words he was about to keep riding when Warne “lurched his car forward forcing my bike wheel and almost my leg under the front of his car”.
Read more:

I love the term, “a robust exchange of views”. It means that Warnie yelled, “Get off the road you fuck-tard” and the cyclist replied, “Show some respect you turd-bag”. Or words to that effect.
So it would seem that even the most civil of the anti-cycling moderates run people down if their buttons are pushed properly. And those buttons? Being caught in peak hour traffic on Toorak road. If you’ve experienced this traffic you’d surely share the same sympathy for Warnie as I have. He’s stuck there, frustrated, impotent, immobile, the rage and hatred growing from his groin upwards, the edges of his vision growing blurry with the need to vent it…and along comes some dickhead on a bike weaving carefree through the traffic. It’s only reasonable that Warnie thinks, “Here comes one now, I’ll run the shitty turdy mongrel over.” And the rest is history.

How could this man be wrong?
As any cyclist who has mixed it in the real for any length of time will know, you have to expect to get run over every now and then  by senseless and frustrated drivers wallowing in their own bile and embittered sense of impotence. It comes with the territory. Clearly the cyclist has to get over it. Or go home and start his own blog. 

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