Fuck Science. Roll Dice Instead.

fucking idiots want to roll the dice on this shit

Science hey, who needs it? I mean, us obviously.  But now its seen us through the scourge it’s time to kick it to the fucking curb. Am I right?

Fucking science with all it’s rationalism and data and bullshit. Doesn’t let me express myself. For starters, that virus was definitely started in a lab. In China. Am right? I am so right. And fuck those science boffins who are telling me otherwise. I mean, if they’re so smart how come they never cured cancer? Or stupidity? 

Corona virus. Deathly pathogen or just pretty red flowers stuck to a ball?

They reckon they can peer into the genome of the virus and tell me it’s natural. Mate, if they can do that then how come they can’t sequence the genome and create a vaccine? They did? Fuck me. Who cares. Vaccines are a tool of oppression used by the Literati. If I hadn’t been vaccinated when I was young I might have been a Rhodes Scholar. Instead I’m a deadshit conspiracy theory believer, keyboard warrior, and sometime alcohol abuser. If it wasn’t for science and their fucking vaccines I might have been a scientist myself.  Or stricken by polio. Or dead from measles.

And if the Chinese didn’t make the virus, they released it. This is my theory. Somehow this virus created itself in the wild. And somehow, even though it’s incredibly deadly, it didn’t kill anyone. Or enough to make headlines anyway. And even though it’s proven to be amazingly contagious, somehow they bottled it up and put it in a lab. That was until one day…it escaped. Someone left the back door open or something and it just walked out. Or it got a fake ID, seduced the guard, and together they hatched a brazen and complex escape plan.

stupid cat
Not an actual photo of me trying to understand the science but you get the idea

Only 140,000 children died of Measles in 2018. That’s only the same as the amount of people who died from flu. So it’s like a mild case of flu. Or something.

Let’s not focus on the fact that I just glossed over the deaths of 140,000 children like they don’t matter. Or I made  two vaguely corresponding statements and compared them without actually drawing a causal link between then. That’s just how it works. The important thing here is other people also died and therefore we shouldn’t get upset about some other other people dying. It’s a kind of new age moral relativism. I’m all about it. I’ll compare anything to anything else and tell you therefore it doesn’t matter. I’ll compare steak to dog shit and tell you the whole thing’s a shit sandwich anyway. 

Corona is like that. It’s like a mild case of the flu. You just have a look at the numbers. Only a little over 100 people have died of it in Australia. So why are we all hiding? 

Time To Roll The Dice

rolling nthe dice
Family playing with weird yellow dice when they could be playing with corona-virus instead

Someone said to me the other day that 350,000-plus people had died worldwide. And that’s with hiding. I said, open up the economy. Roll the dice I said. Roll the fucking dice! Can you believe my bravado? The most infectious and deadly disease for centuries and I said, roll the dice. I’m in awe of my own shameless naivety here.

They told me, there’s this place called Italy. And it got over-run by the coronavirus. People dropped dead like flies. And sure, I’ve heard of Italy. I’m not stupid. They invented the telescope. And diving in the penalty box. Point is, Italy, with it’s wonderful healthcare system and advanced medical sciences, just wasn’t ready. But we are. We’ve doubled our intensive care units. Now let’s fucking use them.

That’s the problem with people these days. Too much waste. Investing a tonne of money in saving lives and then they don’t have the foresight to imperil those same lives so they can save them. 

Roll. The. Fucking. Dice.

I actually said those words. Except it’s not dice is it? It’s people. People dying. Dice sounds better. I feel tough just saying those words. Like I’m staring death in the eyes. Someone else’ death obviously. Not my death. If it was my death I’d cry like a baby and insist the government invest another 50 trillion while they close down the entire galaxy. But when I think of other people dying, people I don’t know, just numbers, not even real people maybe, I’m the toughest guy around. Roll the dice. 

And this is why we have to fuck science right off. Even with lockdown there’s still 350,000 dead. The virus has killed 6% of people it infected. Those are sobering numbers. Not numbers to be contemplated while insisting we open the economy.

All the more reason to give ourselves over to our self-aggrandising willful idiocy as put the middle finger up to science. Roll the dice morons.

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