Well Said Wanker

I only just recently discovered that Charlie Pickering (of The Weekly) is a wanker. I’m a wanker and you’re most definitely a wanker. We know this already because you’re here reading a blog about bikes. You probably ride one too, you wanker.

Charlie rides a bike because “as white middle-class heterosexual mail it’s not often I get to feel like a hard done by minority”. Which is why he loves cycling. Getting yelled at, driven off the road…and listening to the endless whining bullshit drivel from car driving friends who once had a cyclist pull out in front of them and now they want to bore you to death about it.

Okay, those are my problems, not Charlie’s.

I always think the best defense against stupidity is satire. If you can take the piss out of something then clearly it is so stupid, it’s funny.  Charlie’s light touch in this polemic against the car versus bike debate will give most people a chuckle. And hopefully get through to a few people who seem to have a pole up their arse about cycling.

He raises a few interesting points. Apparently the reason people want to bore the shit outa me about some cyclist who cost them .0003 seconds on the way to work because he should have been in the bike lane or dead or dead and burned alive and then killed again…I don’t know, whatever stupid stuff comes out of these cartard’s moron brains…is because one bad car driver is an aberration and one bad cyclist is treated as representing the whole. There’s research to prove it. I won’t explain because (I can’t and) it’s in the video. I just prefer to think of cartards as mewling little children who want everything their own way. And when they get it they want us not to have it too.

Charlie also points out that Australia is one of the few developed nations worldwide where cycle deaths are rising. This is the problem with this car bigotry. I understand why dull and unimaginative people need something to hate. They’ve lost out on homosexuals and foreigners and all the good stuff you could hate on when I was a kid. (Though it hasn’t stopped some people hating on Muslims.) And so they turn to cyclists. Because they can prove that cyclists are actually making their life a misery (see above, the .0003 seconds they lost on the way to work). Charlie points out that the research on this proves otherwise, that cycle lanes actually make all traffic faster (as happened recently in New York). And that’s how we know the cartard’s are bigots. Because you can’t reason with the bastards. The problem with this bigotry is people are dying.

The sad thing about Charlie’s video is it pretty much makes everything I have to say redundant. His funnier and more concise video should probably be watched in place of my bile churning rants. Check it out.

My wife wants a credit because she pointed out this video to me. Thanks Sophie, for contributions to blogging and cycling. No-one could hold a tablet and press play like you did.

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